My daughter is 9 and her heart's desire is to be a published author.  She is always scribbling stories, in various forms.  This one is her version of Little Red Riding Hood.  All her own work.

TINY GREEN DENIM JUMPER

I think you know the story of 'Litle Red Riding Hood' (LRRH for short), well, this is similar but it has slightly changed!  For eample, the name.  For short it is TGDJ.  Anyway, let's get to the story....

One day in Big Banana City, it was boiling, however, TGDJ stll wore her green denim jumper. "Take that denim jumper off, for goodness sakes!" yelled BBCT (Big Blue Cotton Top, otherwise known as TGDJ's mum).  TGDJ was sick of her mum nagging her!  All she said was 'Blah, blah Denim Jumper'

"No, I won't!  I'm cold!" scolded TGDJ.

Of course TGDJ was lying but she liked it, especially because her grandma WON - Weakling or Not?) had made it for her.  The reason why TGDJ liked her grandama was because WON had a really cool but serious secret.  In fact, it was so secret that not even BBCT knew it.

Well, BBCT kept on blabbing on, saying, "Blah, this, blah, blah, carrier bag, blah, grandma's.".....One sec!  What was that about Grandma?

"Can you repeat the blabbing about Grandma?" TGDJ asked loudly but quickly.

BBCT gave an annoyed look.  "I said, 'Take this carrier to Grandma's, she isn't feeling that..great," BBCT said firmly.

TGDJ beamed.  She was so pleased that she rapidly took the carrier bag from her mum's hand and whizzed out of the door, not even bothering to be careful.

Of course TGDJ knew the way to Grandma's, she'd been there billions of times before!  She lived at 27 Cherry Lane, it wasn't far away.  Well, not if you knew the shortcuts.  The best shortcut was Forbidden Alley.  Forbidden Alley was abandoned and silent, however it was TGDJ's hearts desire to walk in there because she knew BBCT would never let her.  So TGDJ entered.  She was slouching along, listening to The Fratelli's on her MP3 player when all of a sudden a sly fox jumped out form behind a dustbin!  TGDJ ignored him and trotted onward.  The fox got annoyed and pulled TGDJ's hair!

"Ow!" TGDJ yelled, "Get your grubby hands off me!"

"Sorry, I just want to have a decent meal, "muttered the the fox, letting go of her hair and stroking it instead.

"Listen! Stop prodding me!" snapped TGDJ, giving the fos one of her looks.

"You won't be saying that anymore!" the fox snarled, getting ready to pounce on her.

"Aaaaaaaggggghhhh," shrieked TGDJ.

"Naaahhhhh."  Suddenly WON appeared, bellowing, and kicked the fox in the head with a great kung fu kick, causing his teeth to fall out!

"Raaaaaa," screeched the fox in anger.

!@#**!@%&*@~ swore grndma, snatching a gun out of her knickers.

The fox backed up in fear and hailed a pasing taxi to Caramel Corner,never to be seen again.

TGDJ gawped at her grandma.

"B..b..b..How?  What..?" stuttered TGDJ.

Grandma tapped her nose twice as if to say, "Don't tell anyone a single word about this."  then she took the carrier from TGDJ and walked off.  TGDJ grinned and rushed back to her house.

THE END.

Please be gentle but honest with your comments, she is only 9.

Thanks

i like the choice of place names and the kung fu kick - very good

Mandy's daughter here - Primary school teacher.

I liked the use of words instead of 'said' which added interest to the story - scolded being my favourite. Nothing worse than using said too many times!! Some nice adjectives and an interesting concept. She has also endeavoured to use speech appropriately and with some effect. A nice story, well done.

Emma x

That's really good. I love her use of words.

I liked it and I liked the bit about the MP3 players. I found myself looking back to see who BBCT was and WON but if it was made into a children's book it would have pictures too so it would be easier to "see"! who was who. Perhaps she could try making the acronyms into things which sound like words to make them easier to remember. Perhaps like BAGT (blue and green top?) I don't know. It was a good story and having a gun in granny's knickers was a great idea. I think ti's very well written for a 9 year old. We had to do children's books at some point in secondary school and most weren't as good as that one.

Are you sure she's only 9?  Really well written - I (like Mandys daughter) love it when there is something other than "said".  Very impressed

Megan says, "wow!".  She is very impressed that a teacher commented!  Thank you for all your comments so far, it makes a difference having a new opinion....as her mum I am bound to say, 'that's very good', although I did genuinely find some of that story amusing!

She's very good at writing comedy! It put a smile on my face. She's very talented for a nine year old. I hope she keeps writing stories like this!

She's definitely got a great imagination and very inventive use of language - I'd love to see this as an illustrated childrens story!

Its really good! If l read that without knowing her age l would think she was older than 9! I think you have high hopes of her doing good in English at school and its GREAT for a child to love to write, it will help her English improve alot. Amusing story. Well done